Phoenix Rising

(Dumbledore and Fawkes from Fantastic Beasts - The Crimes of Grindelwald)

The phoenix, to many, represents strength. To be reborn from the ashes is no grand feat. Some will say it's a beautiful transformation while others may even say it's a magical spectacle.

That being said, no one really takes the time to see it from the phoenix's point of view. Which would be the pain and struggle of the actual rebirth process.

We have all had moments of great transition. Moments that have tested us beyond measure, which we have prayed that we would get through.

The tears and pain of the moment, unsure of what the next steps would be. Feeling helpless as the flames engulf you. Smoke suffocating you. It is ominous without any rays of hope or light. Everything seems lost.

As the phoenix withers away from its own internal combustion, it starts to ponder how it got there. Surely there is no God that would smite me this way? What did I do to deserve this grave punishment? What is happening? Is this the end?

The thoughts even more painful and torturous than the engulfing flames. This is it, today I die.

With a final burst of fire, the smoke begins to settle. What is this... did I... survive? Seeing a new body, unfamiliar to my own. Ouf. The pain, it stings. I can't move. I can't see.

HELP! Alas, no one can hear me. Of course. Darkness follows when the remaining embers burn out. Great. God or whatever higher power sure has a terrible sense of humour.

Light begins to softly fill the enclosure with the warmth of an incandescent candle. Wait...is it dawn? Could it be? I can see... just a little. Why is it so painful? Wait a minute... something's wrong. Oh no... Tears start continuously flowing through my eyes like a sad river. 

A sudden realization. I am alone. Where... is... everyone? Where is he... no... no... oh God no... why... no...

Silence.

It hits me... over and over and over again, like a vicious wheel hurdling towards me with the intent to kill without mercy. The thought attacking me again and again: I am alone.

Ahh! Something is blinding me. I slowly drag my scorned body forward. Every inch feels like an eternity. I eventually catch a glimpse of my reflection in a mirror. Wait, who is that? Oh. I realize that the corporeal form is me, not a ghost of my ancient ancestor. However, I don't recognize the image or being reflecting back at me. I am alone.

My body is weak, small, broken, and burned beyond repair. How can I go on? Maybe there's hope... I can die too... I don't deserve to live. Why did I survive? Where is everyone? Why did he leave me alone?

A familiar voice begins to echo in the empty halls. “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that. Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light. Dark times lie ahead of us and there will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right. It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."

It's Dumbledore. Could it be? I thought you were dead sir. How is this possible? Am I dead too?

"It’s the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more. Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it. After all, to the well-organised mind, death is but the next great adventure."

"You will heal. You will emerge again. You are a phoenix, my love. Phoenixes burst into flame when it is time for them to die and are reborn from the ashes. You will rise again, whereas I cannot. My calling is elsewhere at this time. However, you are not alone. You need only ask and help will be there."

So I live and I must continue to live on. I am not alone, I am reborn.

- SL

Welcome Back: A Heart's Journey

It's been a whole year and 4 months since I have written. A roller coaster of emotions and unexpected events has taken me away from this blog and all creative outlets, my expression.

An update? Well remember that move that happened in my last post? We ended up moving back. It felt right to do so. We came back as changed people and ended up gaining a lot more than was lost.

So many experiences and memories, some crazily uplifting and some crashing lows. In the end, I feel like we were routed back and our luck has changed for the better. No gain without risk, or so they say. I am grateful for this humbling experience.

I am still processing my life and the events that have led me up to this moment. Thoughts like, "maybe I would be better of if..." and so forth. Let me tell you, if you stay in a mindset like that for very long you will only torment yourself.

I had sat among the rubble and ruins of my life for months. Not knowing if life would shine its light upon my own self destruction. To give me salvation by enveloping me with love and compassion while telling me everything was going to be OK. I waited and it eventually came. I wept tears of gratitude for this miracle.

As I picked myself up, I no longer saw an empire that had fallen by the doings of my own mind. I saw hope, opportunity, and a new beginning. I smiled and for the first time in a long time, I felt compassion for myself. This was the key to unlock the beginnings of my healing journey.

I didn't know how to share my story, let alone know how I was going to get through another day. I wasn't suicidal, but life had become pretty unbearable at times.

Tragedies still exist but it's part of life. I am learning to not let these obstacles block me, but rather help me grow and become a stronger person. In hopes that one day I will be able to reach a hand out to someone else one day and inspire them. So that they remember how truly brave and strong they are too.

On October 10, 2018 it was World Mental Health Day. While this is a beautiful gesture, we should also take this awareness with us everyday. We all know how hard life can be. Let's try to be more compassionate and kind to others. You never know how far one kind word or gesture can do for someone. Think of the last time someone did something that deeply touched your heart. How did it feel? Wouldn't you want to spread that all around? Please do pay it forward. Let us all unite.

Recently, I had a work outing and had the deepest, most lovely conversation with 2 bright lighted individuals. Speaking with them made my spirit rise and become passionate. All we did was talk about things that truly mattered to us. The deep stuff. 

I was so inspired by the conversations and their stories that I wanted to express myself and start writing again. They are wonderful souls. I know they also walked away that night moved by our conversation. I dedicate this post to the two of them. Without you, I don't know when I would have written again.

A few individuals have also been encouraging me to write or have taken interest in my writing. Thank you. It truly means a lot to me.

To all of you reading thus far. Thank you for taking the time to do so. It is deeply appreciated. I don't know what this blog will turn into or what kinds of posts I will be writing going forward. But thank you for coming along with me on this journey!

What inspires you? What lifts you up and gives you life?

Much love, always,

SL

Inner Reflection

"I think there's a terrible price to be paid 

when your exterior life is not an honest reflection of 

your interior life." - Gene Robinson

"To understand your deeper premonitions and the urgings of your heart, you must begin to listen. Listen within yourself. Listen to the world without judgement and condemnation. Listen for the signs of what is coming. Listen to how you must respond.

Listen to who to be with and who not to be with." - Marshall Vian Summers

Some days you need to take a step back and take a good look at yourself. See who you are, who you are with, and what you are doing in life. 

Self-reflection is an amazing tool to help ourselves feel grounded and gives great clarity.

It's a reminder that you are still present in an ever changing world. 

To face yourself takes great courage.

Realizing that sometimes thoughts and feelings may not be yours at all can be empowering.

Awareness is key to many things. It is useful to help you navigate throughout life.

To compassionately accept and forgive yourself would be one of your ultimate gifts to yourself.

You give power to those 

who you allow to dictate your life. Be free. 

Follow what you know is right. 

Let go of what isn't.

Let Go and Just Be

Sometimes life gets so hard that you find it difficult to trust yourself to let go of anything.

You can do more damage to yourself by holding on rather than letting go. This includes toxic relationships and behaviours.

To live in fear is to be imprisoned by your own thoughts.

You can break free by taking a leap of faith by just doing what you know needs to be done. There is a deeper wisdom within you that knows what's right for you.

Start letting go of what no longer serves you and allow yourself to receive all that you need to.

You are loved, valued, and not alone. 
It's ok for you to be your authentic self.

What are you waiting for?

Resolutions

Every January many of us make resolutions to become better versions of ourselves. Some of us succeed while most of us slowly give up. I know that I've been stuck in this "January, new year, new me" business since high school. 

My spiritual practice teaches that consistency is key to achieve anything. It truly helps you to build a strong foundation in the world so that greater things can come from it.

My resolution for this year is to build a strong foundation for myself so that I will be able to reach my goals. In my practice, there are four pillars work, spirituality, health, and relationships. For example, you couldn't build a house on a poor foundation. So, If you had poor health, how could you think of much else until you fix it?

My goals this year are to strengthen my spiritual practice, improve my health, improve my finances, take on more creative projects and to keep a clean, decluttered home. How? By doing something about all of these things every day. What you do everyday will have a greater impact than doing something once a week or once in awhile. It's all about making daily habits so it becomes a general lifestyle change.

Many say the key to success is to do things step by step. If you don't have a good day, that's ok. Tomorrow's a new day and a fresh start to learn from the past mistakes of yesterday. No one said that your path up the mountain was going to be easy.

Best of luck to all of you and hope that you achieve all that you need to this year!

What are your resolutions? What's your plan to achieve them?