Phoenix Rising

(Dumbledore and Fawkes from Fantastic Beasts - The Crimes of Grindelwald)

The phoenix, to many, represents strength. To be reborn from the ashes is no grand feat. Some will say it's a beautiful transformation while others may even say it's a magical spectacle.

That being said, no one really takes the time to see it from the phoenix's point of view. Which would be the pain and struggle of the actual rebirth process.

We have all had moments of great transition. Moments that have tested us beyond measure, which we have prayed that we would get through.

The tears and pain of the moment, unsure of what the next steps would be. Feeling helpless as the flames engulf you. Smoke suffocating you. It is ominous without any rays of hope or light. Everything seems lost.

As the phoenix withers away from its own internal combustion, it starts to ponder how it got there. Surely there is no God that would smite me this way? What did I do to deserve this grave punishment? What is happening? Is this the end?

The thoughts even more painful and torturous than the engulfing flames. This is it, today I die.

With a final burst of fire, the smoke begins to settle. What is this... did I... survive? Seeing a new body, unfamiliar to my own. Ouf. The pain, it stings. I can't move. I can't see.

HELP! Alas, no one can hear me. Of course. Darkness follows when the remaining embers burn out. Great. God or whatever higher power sure has a terrible sense of humour.

Light begins to softly fill the enclosure with the warmth of an incandescent candle. Wait...is it dawn? Could it be? I can see... just a little. Why is it so painful? Wait a minute... something's wrong. Oh no... Tears start continuously flowing through my eyes like a sad river. 

A sudden realization. I am alone. Where... is... everyone? Where is he... no... no... oh God no... why... no...

Silence.

It hits me... over and over and over again, like a vicious wheel hurdling towards me with the intent to kill without mercy. The thought attacking me again and again: I am alone.

Ahh! Something is blinding me. I slowly drag my scorned body forward. Every inch feels like an eternity. I eventually catch a glimpse of my reflection in a mirror. Wait, who is that? Oh. I realize that the corporeal form is me, not a ghost of my ancient ancestor. However, I don't recognize the image or being reflecting back at me. I am alone.

My body is weak, small, broken, and burned beyond repair. How can I go on? Maybe there's hope... I can die too... I don't deserve to live. Why did I survive? Where is everyone? Why did he leave me alone?

A familiar voice begins to echo in the empty halls. “It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that. Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light. Dark times lie ahead of us and there will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right. It is our choices that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."

It's Dumbledore. Could it be? I thought you were dead sir. How is this possible? Am I dead too?

"It’s the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more. Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it. After all, to the well-organised mind, death is but the next great adventure."

"You will heal. You will emerge again. You are a phoenix, my love. Phoenixes burst into flame when it is time for them to die and are reborn from the ashes. You will rise again, whereas I cannot. My calling is elsewhere at this time. However, you are not alone. You need only ask and help will be there."

So I live and I must continue to live on. I am not alone, I am reborn.

- SL

Welcome Back: A Heart's Journey

It's been a whole year and 4 months since I have written. A roller coaster of emotions and unexpected events has taken me away from this blog and all creative outlets, my expression.

An update? Well remember that move that happened in my last post? We ended up moving back. It felt right to do so. We came back as changed people and ended up gaining a lot more than was lost.

So many experiences and memories, some crazily uplifting and some crashing lows. In the end, I feel like we were routed back and our luck has changed for the better. No gain without risk, or so they say. I am grateful for this humbling experience.

I am still processing my life and the events that have led me up to this moment. Thoughts like, "maybe I would be better of if..." and so forth. Let me tell you, if you stay in a mindset like that for very long you will only torment yourself.

I had sat among the rubble and ruins of my life for months. Not knowing if life would shine its light upon my own self destruction. To give me salvation by enveloping me with love and compassion while telling me everything was going to be OK. I waited and it eventually came. I wept tears of gratitude for this miracle.

As I picked myself up, I no longer saw an empire that had fallen by the doings of my own mind. I saw hope, opportunity, and a new beginning. I smiled and for the first time in a long time, I felt compassion for myself. This was the key to unlock the beginnings of my healing journey.

I didn't know how to share my story, let alone know how I was going to get through another day. I wasn't suicidal, but life had become pretty unbearable at times.

Tragedies still exist but it's part of life. I am learning to not let these obstacles block me, but rather help me grow and become a stronger person. In hopes that one day I will be able to reach a hand out to someone else one day and inspire them. So that they remember how truly brave and strong they are too.

On October 10, 2018 it was World Mental Health Day. While this is a beautiful gesture, we should also take this awareness with us everyday. We all know how hard life can be. Let's try to be more compassionate and kind to others. You never know how far one kind word or gesture can do for someone. Think of the last time someone did something that deeply touched your heart. How did it feel? Wouldn't you want to spread that all around? Please do pay it forward. Let us all unite.

Recently, I had a work outing and had the deepest, most lovely conversation with 2 bright lighted individuals. Speaking with them made my spirit rise and become passionate. All we did was talk about things that truly mattered to us. The deep stuff. 

I was so inspired by the conversations and their stories that I wanted to express myself and start writing again. They are wonderful souls. I know they also walked away that night moved by our conversation. I dedicate this post to the two of them. Without you, I don't know when I would have written again.

A few individuals have also been encouraging me to write or have taken interest in my writing. Thank you. It truly means a lot to me.

To all of you reading thus far. Thank you for taking the time to do so. It is deeply appreciated. I don't know what this blog will turn into or what kinds of posts I will be writing going forward. But thank you for coming along with me on this journey!

What inspires you? What lifts you up and gives you life?

Much love, always,

SL

Etsy Focus: Mo'Ology Art

For as long as I have remembered, looking up at the stars has always brought me great joy. To connect with the universe and its grand beauty is a love I can not describe in words alone.

Today will be a very special post about a very special person. The spotlight is on my favourite artist at the moment, Michelle a.k.a. Mo'Ology.

Michelle is a Galactic Artist on Etsy. She paints so many different kinds of things in that realm. I would say her painted galaxy stones would be one of the most popular!

Her pieces speak so deeply to me that I can't help but feel amazed and speechless at times. To gaze into her wonders is to be breathless because you can feel a part of her; that's a special connection.

I purchased a galaxy necklace from her awhile ago. When I first saw it in person, I couldn't believe how much it touched me. I wear that piece with gratitude and will always cherish it.

Recently I saw her making grids on Instagram. Every so often when she's working on something, she'll ask people if they want to adopt her pieces before they're finished and customizes them for you. There was one that called to me. It's very hard to get them because of the demand. I jumped on it and was so lucky to get it! The personal meaning it has for me is unexplainable. I will have it for many years to come.

I thank Michelle for her work and the joy that she puts out in the world by her personal expression. She makes the world a much more beautiful place through her loving and magical touch.

Please do check her out on her website and instagram.

Thank you Michelle! Many blessings to you! Keep shining your light! 

Much love!